b.

Ambiguity is a nurturer of faith.  It is the foggy or perhaps dark place where we often find ourselves as we navigate the waters of life.  It is in those moments that our questions evolve…Why?  Where am I going?  How is this going to work?

In the midst of these many moments, I am starting to learn a really valuable lesson in faith.  Sometimes…the search for answers…the barrage of questions…comes from a place of fear and a desire for control.  A lack of faith.

Biting my tongue, refraining from asking questions and truly yielding control of the rudder in the foggy waters has deepened my faith in ways that I am only beginning to understand.  Should we never ask questions?  Of course not.  But perhaps God is asking you to bite your tongue and place your faith in Him.  He will answer the unasked questions in His time and give you even more reason to have faith in Him.

“When we allow for intimacy, we open ourselves to two of the most dreaded conditions in our culture—vulnerability and failure. Those conditions are actually essential to reaching deeper understanding, to getting closer to the truth.”

Excerpt from Only Disconnect by Andrew Reiner, Towson University.  The Chronicle of Higher Education.

There is not much I can add to this.  We all attempt to walk around with our Teflon coating - constantly preventing others from seeing (or heaven forbid touching) what is underneath.  And today’s technology has allowed us to perfect it. 

However, I have found that my greatest moments of growth have come from my greatest failures (read: I have grown a lot).  I have also found that my level of vulnerability profoundly impacts the quality of my relationships with others - their impact on me - and my impact on them. 

Of course, if our identity is derived from Teflon, success and others’ opinions - then I can see where one could be scared to live without Teflon.  I hope that as the Teflon flakes off - you can see clearly enough to see how much better life could be without it.  As scripture says - we all fall short - so let’s ditch the Teflon and embrace vulnerability and failure - and see what happens.

So. Today is my bday. In some ways…no different than yesterday. But it is. I feel special today…why? Because others have wished me a happy bday. Pretty cool. It is nice to be acknowledged. Not unlike funerals (especially with the advent of Facebook) birthdays are when you get some serious love from lots of folks. And it matters. Especially because we are alive to receive the love. We all struggle at some level with our identity and relevance. Birthdays matter because they celebrate that we are a unique creation who has meaning. We have a purpose. I am grateful for the birthday wishes because it is confirmation that my life has meaning. I knew that. I really did…because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. But…it is awesome that it is confirmed in something as simple as a birthday wish. So thank you. And thank God for birthdays. Because we matter. #birthdays #meaningoflife #God

So…here is something I learned about myself. I have the propensity to enjoy being a victim of my own stupidity. Ever catch yourself complaining about a situation - only to reflect long enough to realize you are complaining about being a victim of your own decision(s)?

Welcome to the victimology of stupid.

Everyone can be stupid - everyone. But not everyone has the talent to take on the victim role of their own stupidity. It is a talent (not an admirable one…but a talent nonetheless).

So…if you are like me (sorry if you are) let’s endeavor to laugh about our stupidity and not be so self-absorbed that we willingly take on the victim role of our own stupidity.

It sucks because it is hard. And it is hard because the more I grow as a leader the more I realize that it isn’t about me. And let’s face it - that is a hard lesson to learn. But it is a lesson that I am learning everyday. So what am I learning? 1) Leaders equip others to succeed. When we are busy equipping others, we are not too focused on ourselves. 2) Leaders care about success, not credit. As soon as I care about credit, I have lost my connection to mission and the team. Successful leaders live missionally. 3) Leaders get out of the way. A funny paradox of sorts…but leaders shouldn’t always be at the front of the pack. Sure…setting vision and strategy is critical…but I need to get out of the way to allow the team (who is far more talented than me) to take us forward. Sometimes leaders are in the midst of the team…and sometimes they are on the sidelines cheering the team on. It is critical to know when to do what! So yes…leadership sucks. It sucks the “me” right out of the equation so that “we” can be successful.

Lessons learned from my daughter’s 11th b-day party (12 girls total - slumber party - thanks for the prayer - God answered).

1) Creativity and Fun are close friends. There is simply no substitute for making space for fun, interaction and creativity. 11 yr olds are pros at this!

2) S’mores change lives. There is something to the idea of gathering around a fire, combining three seemingly random ingredients into a mess (and loving it), and talking about everything from friendship to music. The point - we need to stay committed to connecting with each other in simplicity and not always rely on someone/something to create those connections for us.

3) Control and authority are over-rated. So, I admit I got a little “wound-up” a few times (girls getting close to the fire, sugar beverages everywhere, 26 conversations taking place simultaneously, etc.). Quickly realized that stressing over little stuff was robbing me of simply enjoying my daughter and her friends. Had a lot more fun when I realized that worry wasn’t necessary and that the girls were gonna be just fine - no one died.

4) It isn’t about me. There is something incredibly instructive about creating, organizing and executing something entirely for someone else (my amazing wife did almost all of it). I am amazed at the level of joy that comes from serving others - it is a privilege - not an obligation. Sure, you might say that it is my obligation as a dad to “do” the b-day thing for my daughter…and yes…it is my responsibility. But the attitude of my heart (doing vs serving) — that was when I got a glimpse of God’s love for us - when we love and act out of love - not obligation.

It sucks because it is hard. And it is hard because the more I grow as a leader the more I realize that it isn’t about me. And let’s face it - that is a hard lesson to learn. But it is a lesson that I am learning everyday. So what am I learning? 1) Leaders equip others to succeed. When we are busy equipping others, we are not too focused on ourselves. 2) Leaders care about success, not credit. As soon as I care about credit, I have lost my connection to mission and the team. Successful leaders live missionally. 3) Leaders get out of the way. A funny paradox of sorts…but leaders shouldn’t always be at the front of the pack. Sure…setting vision and strategy is critical…but I need to get out of the way to allow the team (who is far more talented than me) to take us forward. Sometimes leaders are in the midst of the team…and sometimes they are on the sidelines cheering the team on. It is critical to know when to do what! So yes…leadership sucks. It sucks the “me” right out of the equation so that “we” can be successful.

It is that time of year - a special time - especially for someone who gets to serve at Queens University of Charlotte.  I get the privilege of watching hundreds of students celebrate an incredible (and still very rare from a global perspective) feat - graduate from college.  Students move in wearing shorts and t-shirts and by mid-day they are all sweaty (except here at Queens where a lot of our upperclassmen help families move in - how sweet is that!)  And now…they leave…wearing shorts and t-shirts UNDER a wonderful black robe (it was 90 all week - so the sweaty part was in play). It is hard to think about commencement correctly.  It means beginning yet it feels so much like an end.  The natural posture is one of reflection.  Partly because there are so many wonderful memories when looking backward - and partly because looking forward can be pretty scary. Class of 2012 - you just experienced one of the finest undergraduate educational experiences in the country.  Yep.  I am biased.  But I believe it.  You had faculty, staff, friends and family invest in you for four years - and I would put your growth and development as young men and women up against any college or university in the country.  You are different today.  Period.  We have worked hard to make an impact in your life - and you in turn have left your mark on our University.  So - let’s take a peak forward.  What is commencing?  Your future.  You could look at it in all of its ambiguous glory and tremble or you can reflect on how you have been equipped, take a quick inventory of your gifts and talents, and quickly realize that you are ready - and dare I say - expected - to pour yourself out into this great world.  Remember that over the last four years you have learned a lot.  You have learned how to ask questions and you have learned how to listen. We need you to do a lot of both of those as you move on from Queens.  Listening is a lost art form in the world of communication. We are so focused on message transmission and mediums that we often miss the content of the message. Listen well, Royals because it is pretty rare. Keep asking the big questions - we need them to be answered. Asking hard questions is not for the faint of heart - so keep at it - the world needs it (no pressure) Proud of you all.

So - a really smart person I know - Pamela Davies, President of Queens University of Charlotte (my boss ;-) has this phrase that is very simplistic but a truism none of us can afford to ignore.  “The quality of an organization will never exceed the quality of its people”.  It is a great reminder that we have to build an organization around (or on) talented individuals who become team members and valuable contributors to organizational life. 

So - given that I have a background in the discipline of communication - it got me thinking - how does communication play a role in this truism?  So - let’s try…the quality of an organization will never exceed the quality of its communication.  I think it is true.  The problem is that a lot of organizations don’t focus on communication (a significant contributor to organizational culture and organizational success). 

The results?  Talented people who are:  1) ill-informed, 2) disconnected from the mission, vision, values and strategies of the organization, 3)  only partially engaged & committed, and 4)  not optimized. 

Communication is a medium to discover meaning and organizations have the incredible privilege of cultivating meaning in the human experience and giving people an opportunity to grow and develop and contribute to an organization.  

Don’t squander the opportunity because of a lack of commitment to communication.  I can tell you I sure am grateful to be at a place that values and demonstrates quality communication.

What do you think?  How can you impact the quality of communication in your organization?  Maybe it needs to start with you (or me ;-)

Thanks, Reena.  Really.  I am excited about what the future holds through this medium and hope to engage others (at least one person ;-) in useful dialogues to advance our work at being all we have been created to be.  b. isn’t just my quick signature on a text or e-mail (because it is my first initial) - it is also a call to action.  to b.